i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
