so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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