Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize