Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
