We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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