Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
and you fell through a lawn chair
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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