at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
