Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
