help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize