Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
