How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
