Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
