My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
