tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
