If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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