She's JV to your varsity
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we made out on top of his cat.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
