He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
