Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
