I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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