dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
