I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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