First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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