My cat gives me a boner
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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