So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
