What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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