Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
