I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
