My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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