you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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