i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize