Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
