i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize