you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize