I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
