i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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