Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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