that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
