why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
