HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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