I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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