i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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