This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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