had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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