i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
