every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Damn victory sex feels great
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize