So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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