listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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