I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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