im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
