somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
