ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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