I smell stomach acid.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize