I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
