yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
there is glitter all over my balls
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
