The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
