I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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