I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
