those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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