he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
