i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
