You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
