those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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